I’ve done a lot or a little in my life, I suppose it depends on who’s asking. For example, I’ve never owned a car but I’ve been in plenty, some of them didn’t even have a roof. I’ve never climbed Mount Everest nor have I scaled the Dawn Wall but I did once accidentally hike a mountain in Alaska and have stumbled across a family of Black Bears in Yosemite, fortunately I was inside someone’s car and there was a roof. I’ve never been to Berlin or Amsterdam but I’ve stumbled around Montmartre and smoked an interesting cigarette outside the Duomo di Milano. I’ve never owned an apartment or a house but I’ve lived in a few places, one apartment had a loft, another had roaches, shit, I stayed in one house, had its own swimming pool, water an’ all not just a basin collecting leaves. I haven’t lived or visited everywhere but I’ve lived in a few places and visited a whole bunch more. I could continue but I don’t want to seem pathetic and I’d hate to sound like I was bragging. A person’s perspective can be hard to predict. Recently, I picked up a degree in Philosophy, which could mean I’m one of the greatest thinkers known to man or simply unemployable either way it’s a fancy piece of paper with some version of my name written on it, which officially qualifies me to think about things, so, I went and did some thinking about the philosophical questions of how to live our most fulfilling life, it was in the midst of this mental exploration I wrote the following poem. It’s what I consider to be a deep reflection on the notion of perspective it’s also about some other shit. I call it Fuck Tim McGraw.


Tim McGraw recorded a song

Written by a couple of dudes

He recorded it

It became a hit

Written in the lyrics

In part of the chorus

Tim McGraw sang

The name of the song

Live Like You Were Dying


I just smoked a million cigarettes

With no immediate regret

I got a few women pregnant

But their names I forget

I’ve drank gallons upon gallons of hard liquor

And I’ve made myself sicker

Than I ever dreamed

But I truly believed in Tim McGraw

Fuck Tim McGraw

I swear he made me buy that Macaw

Who flew himself out of the window

Never to be seen again

A long-lost parrot friend

Fuck Tim McGraw

It’s his fault

I slept with so many whores

I don’t know if I can feel love anymore

Thanks Tim

I’ve been living like I’m dying

And now this fucking old lady is crying

Just because I was trying

To suggest something new

I said a threesome is something you’re never too old to do

I’m just out here trying to make dreams come true

Fuck Tim McGraw a-doodely-dip-dap-a-bop-bam-boo

Fuck Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman too

My morals were relying on you

You were supposed to keep me knowing right from wrong

But I fucked up my entire life

All because of a Tim McGraw song

I have to go

There’s a whole bunch of police at my door

Mad about a bank that doesn’t have money anymore

I swear

I did it all

In the name of Tim McGraw