I’ve had grand plans for myself, I’m not trying to brag but if I put my mind to something, the evidence suggests I do it. For example, I woke up craving a grilled cheese sandwich and guess what I had for dinner… a goddamn grilled cheese sandwich. Okay, so that might not be the greatest example. Let me try another… When I was eight years old, I was taken on a two week vacation to America with my mum and my grandma and grandad, the first place we went was Los Angeles. We visited the Farmers Market on 3rd and I apparently said, “I’m going to live here one day.” Cut to ten years later and this little boy from Middlesbrough was living in an apartment off 3rd street in Los Angeles, almost directly opposite from the Farmers Market. The following poem is about making such plans and them not working out.


I’m trying to stand still

Feel like fainting

Determined free will

An unfinished painting

Hangs on a wall

Dust covered telephone

Don’t get many calls

It’s too loud on my own

I’m trying to listen

To the orioles song

Tired of the wind I piss in

Didn’t plan to live this long

Trying to ride waves

But the water is calm

They say Jesus saves

But he cut off my arm

Left me bloody and cold

No rebirth for my soul

Just my body growing old

In the midst of this black hole

Left without words trying to think

Where it all went wrong

When I started to sink

I didn’t plan to live this long

I’m trying to breathe

Need to count to three

After two I start to seethe

No-one will remember me

Watch the candle flicker

Till the light goes out

Sat in my chair made of wicker

What’s it all about?

As much as I will try

To keep myself strong

While I wonder why

I didn’t plan to live this long

Trying to stay awake

Don’t want to go to sleep

Where my dreams feel fake

Like my shallow thoughts are deep

Talking to a fortune teller

I want to play make-believe

Smells of vetiver and citronella

Reminded me of you so I tried to leave

I’m really trying to hear

The sweet orioles song

Make the fuzzy static clear

Didn’t plan to live this long